To the New Love of My Life2

December 31, 2011


     To my babe, 
Why must we go on like this?
Ignoring, Ignoring the longing and hope of tomorrow's long wait
This facade that we keep up
It kills me everyday, and yet to no avail do I get my wish
When will you wake up to find
That there is nothing less agonizing than the idea of waiting
Why must we go on like this?
The lust is slowly fading, I can see it  and feel it in your eyes
To hear the hesitation
In your voice when we speak or in your steps when we walk
Why must we go on like this?
Do you hate me now, is that why we rarely talk anymore in text
The bond we had is dying
Soon there will be nothing left to even keep us together as friends
Why must we go on like this?
I don't mind waiting, but there comes a time when reasons need to be made
Maybe we should just end this
We never hug as often and you never seem to want to talk now
Why must we go on like this?
Did I do something wrong, is that why you won't even look at me now
I don't want to seem pushy
I just want to know what went wrong and why you seem so distant lately\
Why must we go on like this?
Maybe its just me, and maybe I'm just over analyzing things
You were right, we're too busy
Our lives are moving too fast, and won't be slowing down anytime soon
Why must we go on like this?
I guess it's time my thoughts come to an abrupt end and my words die out
I don't know why I wrote this
I think I just wanted you to know how I felt about all of this.

To the New Love of My Life

December 29, 2011

To my babe,

I’m so happy we’re kinda sorta going out. I never thought I’d fall for you until this summer. Well more like early Fall but still haha. The circumstances we’re under may be difficult, but we make it work. I love how caring and funny you are. I love your laugh, and your eyes, and your smile. I love how you are with little kids, even if they’re stuck up and rude, you still treat them like they’re your siblings. I love how you much you want me to get the lead for theatre, and how you want me to excel in speech like you know I can. As you can see, I love a lot of things about you, but mostly, I love how much I can tell you care for me. Even if we never go on dates, and never talk on the phone, which I don’t think we could handle, I love our late night text messages and the teasing, and the poke wars that have been going on for 5months haha. Yesterday was our 2 month and it doesn’t even feel like that much time has gone by. We’ve been flirting for at least 5 months, and now look at us. We’re together and it’s like we’ve gotten worse at flirting lol. We’ve so settled, and most people don’t like it cause it’s the lull point in a relationship, but I absolutely love it. I love being this comfortable with you, knowing I don’t have to worry about anything. You’re perfect in every way and I’m so grateful to have you. Love ya babycakes <

Hey Y'all!!

So I haven't been on here in a while and I figured 3:22 a.m was a perfect time to come on. Okay so I can't sleep and I told Kathy I was going to sleep, went to bed, and ended up waking up an hour later. So now here I am, not sleep and philosophying again. And yes, I know that's not a word. Anyway, okay so update!! I finally have a boyfriend, we're so unofficial it hurts, but I'm actually content being like this. My other friend Becky keeps bugging me about when we'll make it official and how I need to ask him. Thing is, I already discussed it with him, and we're happy right where we are. We don't need labels or classification from our peers. Hence the previous post about labels. Reading back through my old posts, I realized how much of a terminally depressed child I really was. And it just seemsedto get worse as the months went on.  I'm actually shocked I am still here, but that's in the past. I'm trying to say how I always complained about being alone and how I wanted to be in a relationship like everyone else. Truth is, it doesn't really change you. I mean I have to admit I'm happier, but that's because of who it is, not because I'm with him. Just being friends with him makes me a happier person. My main reasoning for this, is my friend just broke up with her boyfriend and I have no clue how to help her except get her to accept the fact that it wasn't her fault. She's beating herself up over this like it's the end of the world, but it's really not. It's just the beginning. I love how the girl who's barerly passed her second relationship, the first being a complete mockery of the word "relationship"; is the one everyone comes to for advice. I'm still 17, like I know anything about life, but I can tell you one thing. I wouldn't mind being a psychiatrist. Anyway, so I want my friend to believe that everything will be alright, and that you don't need to have that boy, or any boy for that matter to be happy. I had her read my old posts, and after I went back and read them myself, I wonder now why I had her read exacty what I was telling her not to feel. But that's actually the best way to get through to someone. Relate, and then convince them that you do mean well. Okay well my relationship advice is done for now. If I felt like it, i would type out my texts to her, but I'm tired and that's tedious -__- Night Night guys :)

Labels

I honestly don’t understand why girls need to say “we’re in a relationship”, or worse, make their guy say it. That whole concept has been bugging me for awhile and I finally came to terms with my status. If you know he only has eyes for you, and you do the same things a “couple” would do. i.e hold hands, kiss, flirt, etc. then do you really need to make him say “Yes, we’re dating.” To me the whole “in a relationship” thing is too much of a weight. It’s like saying “married”. If you don’t see either one of you breaking up anytime soon, do you really need to document it and go through all the legal stuff? And I know most of you are saying “well if he doesn’t admit to being in a relationship, then how do you know he’s committed?”. My answer: Because guys aren’t as complicated as we make them out to be! Trust me, if he seems just as in love as you are, chances are HE IS! They don’t try to make everything a game, that’s just how we’ve perceived guys as a whole and it’s sad. When I first started my “relationship”. I wanted my boyfriend to actually admit it, so i could tell my friends “he said it, he said it!”. Now I’ve realized that it doesn’t really matter. Did i think he was ashamed or embarrassed of me at first? Yes! Did he prove me wrong? Yes! The truth is, guys don’t like admitting that commitment because when you actually say it, it sounds really anchoring. It’s simpler to just forget labels and know that you’re not gonna stray from each other for awhile. I guess the point I’m trying to make is, you don’t need to prove anything to anybody. If you both know you’re going out, you don’t need to blab to the world that you’re off the market.

oh i just love when things go absolutely perfect

"I just want you to be happy :)"


"hey, you need to be happy too"


"i am happy xD"


he is seriously just the cutest bf ever <-- i love being able to call him that :)

Simple questions

The difference between asking someone "what's up" and "what's on your mind"

• food
• sleep
• Halloween
• choir
• theatre
• ...you

Must you be so cute

"I just passed by the store you so badly wanna work at. :)" Oh I love not having to be the first one to text anymore. I love it when guys actually try to make things work. <3 In order for him tot ext that, he had to be thinking about me right? :)))))))

Apologizing for falling asleep on somebody even if the person fell asleep on you too

he needs to stop being so cute. i can't take it anymore <3

I'm BACK!!!!

So it's been awhile since I went on blogspot. I forgot about it to be honest. But I was going through my tumblr post and found one that said I'd be posting all my real life trouble posts and just how I feel about certain things, on here. So here I am. that's why my recent post say "written on..." I was moving them from my tumblr which is www.the-obssesive-greengirl-khy.tumblr.com btw. Blogger to blogger, I hope my tumblr followers don't mind that I'm totally promoting it on here, but it's a fun website, or at least it can be. So anyway, most of my life problems and the way I view the world will go on here, and the way I want to see the world and the way I wish I lived will go on my tumblr in the form of pictures, songs, videos etc. You can find my tumblr link under "Mah Connections" section too. Along with my youtube link. I'm trying to start a vlog site. I haven't been updating recently though cause it takes a long time for the videos to upload, but there are a few up right now. Hope you enjoy my blog and yes I got my bg theme from tumblr if you were wondering.!!

Good news and Bad news!!

The good news is I can post One direction my actual tumblr again!!! The bad news being I lost the friends who would bug me if I did cause they always accused me of spamming them.


Let’s go with the full story first:

So my “best friends” were trash talking one of my other friends, we’ll call her “L”, on formspring. They then denied it, even though L and I could clearly tell it was them. You wanna know why? Because my ex-bestest friend in the whole world, texted L saying it wasn’t her who sent the hate questions on fs. She texted her this at 7am. L had no clue what she was talking about so she texted me asking if I knew. We talked about it for a little while, but both of us were utterly confused. Then around 8pm THAT SAME DAY, L logs onto fs, sees the questions, responds, and then text me. My ex-best friend never would have been able to send the text ahead of L seeing the questions, if she didn’t know they had been sent. So I confronted my other best friend, we’ll call her “R”, about the whole situation. She couldn’t believe that I would believe L over my ex-bestest friend. Mind you, both my bestest friend and R hate L. She then had the nerve to tell me, that if I’m gonna stick up for another one of my friends over my bestf riend, I need to make sure the other person is worth it. But here’s the shitty part, she concludes with admitting it was her in the first place. Now if she had just said that in the beginning, this whole thing could have been settled. I would still be best friends with them, and L could just avoid them like she normally does. And life could go on. But no, they accuse me of being a bad “best friend” by sticking up for someone else. A bad best friend, is someone who trash talks one of my other friends and then lies about it to my face. Now in my opinion, I’m gonna stick up for one of my friends if they’re being bullied, regardless of if the bully is my best friend. Now am i wrong in doing so, or do you guys agree with me? cause I mean seriously.


Oh and for all of you out there who don’t know. formspring is a social networking site where you can ask your friends questions anonymously or with your name shown.


anyway, Rant over. -__-

Can you take a few inches off please??

Written August 5, 2011:


It’s 1:22 a.m so time for my random rants. -____- Okay so I love being tall, I’m 5”9 btw, I can model and wear high heels. See if I wasn’t tall, then my mom wouldn’t have gotten me into modeling, so I wouldn’t need to know how to wear high heels properly and if you knew my mom, the only reason she lets me where them is for practice. If I was short, even for school functions she’d probably just tell me to wear flats. Anyway, I love high heels but the problem is I’m almost as tall at the guys at our school ( I swear something went around and made all the guys short) so if I wear heels, I tower over them. My friends all want to be my height, but they just dont get it. Small girls are easy to cuddle with and look cuter in certain clothes, and dont’ get dress coded as easily. If I was still my size but shorter like 5”5-5”7 Like my best friends, then I would be a lot happier. I wouldn’t be able to model, but maybe then a guy would actually ask me out. Who knows, all I’m saying is it’s not as fun being this tall as you might think. I mean I get it, cause most of my friends are in the 5”1- 5”3 range except for my two best friends who are only a little shorter than me. But those few inches make a difference in my mind. And where I might flaunt being so tall, and act like I absolutely adore it, deep down, I despise my dad for being 6”4 and my borthers being 6”4 and 6”3. Cause that requires me to find a guy that tall simply because I love wearing heels. :(

Senior Year, here I come!!

Written August 4, 2011:


It’s time to move on. I’m changing my look, picking my friends, and I’m gonna make the best of Senior year. I have all the classes I want and I have most of my friends in my classes. I lost friends and gained friends over the summer. Tried to fix problems with people who obviously didn’t want things to be fixed so I’m kind of just done. Done with drama, heartbreak, bullshit. I’m just done! This is gonna be a good year, and I’m not gonna let anybody mess it up. I’m through with trying to find a boyfriend, through with trying to make friendships work, through with juggling school and a social life. When the time comes, I’ll find the right guy. In the end, the friends who truly care about me will still be there, and without all of this other drama, I’ll be able to focus on school and still have fun. I’m ready to live the last year of my high-school/beginning of my adult life to the fullest. :)

Time to Move On...

Wow, I wrote this July 4, 2011. I swear I'm psychic. It's funny how I predicted all of this and th then shit happens 2days ago. I should have kept my word and ended this when i said I was going to.


I’m fed up with all of this. I tell you I like a guy, what do you do, you flirt with him. I tell you where I’m thinking about applying for a job, then you apply there. I tell you about a conversation that you promise to never bring up, what do you do, you bring it up and pretty much make it impossible for two people to ever have a normal conversation again, thus ending that friendship. I tell you about one of my favorite websites, you say it’s stupid. You make an account and all of a sudden, you love flaunting your popularity. Please you wouldn’t be that popular if I hadn’t told you about this site and both me and our other friend had convinced you to make one. You always bring up your friendship with my crush and talk about how he would probably ask you out before he asks me out. Then you go ahead and say how you don’t ever see it happening. Did I ask for your opinion…no! Then you tell me that my “used to be” best friend, until you messed everything up, is thinking about NOT coming to my birthday and you say it like it’s no big deal. Do you not get that we used to be as thick as thieves and now he never talks to me because you had to open your big mouth after you promised me TWICE that you wouldn’t say anything. I never should have said anything to you. I should have just dealt with it on my own and not said one word to you. Some friend you are. Steal my job, my bf, my bff. What next? My parents. And then you think that “occasionally” inviting me out with our friends is okay. If you didn’t invite me, don’t tell me what you guys did. I wouldn’t feel bad if you invited me and I couldn’t make it. But telling me about something, I had no clue about, then idrc what the fuck you guys did. Then you call me and invite to some get together that doesn’t include our old group of friends but people that you find much “cooler” and then add on “don’t worry, I didn’t invite your crush so you don’t have to freak out.” Why didn‘t you invite him? I mean you ask him out to everything else. Does it really matter if you invite him or not? Why is it so important for you to tell me that? Like seriously “What the fuck is your problem?” You can’t keep secrets anymore; you never wanna hang out with just me. I invited you to the beach with me and my mom. JUST YOU and what do you do? You invite your bf and your other bff because you thought the trip “would be better with a group.” Why can’t we just hang out like best friends? I mean we were already gonna see them later on that evening, but no, if you’re not with them the entire time, things get boring. Just recently, we were at the mall and you decide to invite your other friend to hang out with us. If I wanted her to come with us, I would have invited her myself. And the worst thing is you used my phone to do it since you can’t use yours. Calling her to tell her you found something is one thing, but telling her to come down and see it is a whole different thing. Why can’t we just hang out like we used to. One day, just us best friends. No bfs, no other friends, no crushes, no special occasions. Just a fun day with us, is that too much to ask? This summer was just supposed to be a better version of last year. Our last summer as highschoolers and you spend it with friends who first of all don’t go to our school, and second of all don’t even invite me to hang out with you guys. Just cause I have summer school doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. I’ve told you that before. If you tell me ahead of time, I can do my homework earlier and have a free day. But no, you don’t even try. You just tell me later how fun your day was. I guess it just goes to show how much we’ve drifted apart. And this didn’t start when the summer came around; we’ve been drifting since the beginning of second semester. It just took us this long to figure that out. Well it took me that long to figure it; you still choose to ignore it. I’ve been trying to tell you this would happen but you refused to believe it. You might have postponed this, but I wasn’t kidding when I said that maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore. We knew this day was coming, but hey, that’s life. Time’s change, people change, and friends split up. I’ve always been better on my own anyway. I do projects on my own; I used to eat alone after the 8th grade incident. I used to keep to myself A LOT! Then I met all of you and I started opening up. Worst mistake of my life. I work better on my own when everything stays personal and not everybody knows my life. Maybe that’s why I’m so scared to start dating. I might not act like it, but I’m honestly scared to start a relationship because I’m scared of letting someone in that much. No, I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m tired of you putting me down. God every time I talk to you nowadays I just wanna punch you in the face. You don’t let anybody have their own opinions or be right about anything! It has to be your way or your opinion and that’s it. I can’t say a guy is cute without you saying no he’s ugly, he has zits, he’s black, and he has acne so he must smoke. Earth to YOU but people get acne. Even black people. No one has perfect skin like you. And just so you know, I’ve had this discussion with him. They’re not acne; most of them are purposefully there. But you wouldn’t know that cause you don’t care what I have to say. I don’t have a say in anything anymore. You might ask me if it’s alright to invite more people but you would still do it even if I said no. You would argue until your point is made, which is technically just me giving up cause I don’t feel like arguing. I can’t get my hopes up without you saying “well I don’t think it’s gonna work. He’s not gonna ask you out.” How do you know? Has he told you, cause if not then shut up. I can hope can’t I? It’s called wishful thinking and optimism. You should try it sometime instead of being so fucking pessimistic half the time. And your political views, now I usually leave this to opinion because I really, really, don’t like arguing about politics. But I have news for you, our president will most likely get re-elected. Unbeknownst to you, most of our country is pleased with his accomplishments. It’s become very rare that a president doesn’t stay in office for two terms. Especially this president, considering he’s the change we’ve been needing for our generation. I don’t like arguing about this but I just thought I should put that in there. So yeah, I’m not fine thanks for asking. I’m fed up with you taking everything I have and putting me down. I hate to say it but you are truly turning into your sister. I liked it better when we got in arguments over food, clothes, and anime. Not relationships, friendships, politics, and everything else. You’re right I don’t have anything I could use as blackmail on you, but you know entirely too much about me and I don’t like it. I’m not saying anything else that doesn’t need to be said to you or anybody else for that matter. I’m utterly hurt that my old best friend and I will probably never be able to patch things up but we would have if I hadn’t told you anything and you hadn’t brought it up again. And I’m sorry that our other best friend was accused daily of replacing me, even if she didn’t know it. But what I’m most sorry for is how much you’ve changed. I never really changed, I’ve always been like this, I’m just more outspoken but I’m still the same old me. I just never show this side of me to people I just met. If you knew me back in middle school up till now, you would know that I’ve always been like this. To see this side of me means that I trust you. Or I guess trusted you. But you…this is a side that even you said you didn’t used to be. I liked it better when you were your alter ego. The fun one who fangirled over her old anime boys and didn’t fall out of the fandom. The old you that flirted but never settled and used to stay up on the phone all night discussing attack plans even if she knew she would get caught. Not the you that’s pessimistic about everything, complains about real relationship problems, and has too much drama. I know some of it’s not your fault, it’s your environment. But it all depends how you handle the situation, and I have to say, you’re not doing too well with it anymore. I’m sorry but I feel like this will be our last summer as best friends or maybe even friends in general. I don’t want to leave the group, and I mean our old group. But I don’t feel close to any of them anymore and I don’t feel close to you anymore. I guess I’m just not ready for long-term friendships or anything for that matter. Maybe in time we can fix all of this, but it’s gonna take a lot. I’m gonna miss you buddy but I can’t even cry over this anymore. I’ve shed all my tears, now all that’s left is anger and regret. Not regret for being your friend, but for telling you so much knowing this might not last. 3 1/2 years and it’s already over. I’m just sorry it had to end this way. I truly don’t want to talk. I just need time and space. Sorry. :/

Why is Religion So Important?

So today is Easter and every Easter morning, I wake up to an Easter basket. However, today my mother decided she wasn’t going to give me one because she thinks I don’t believe in Jesus. I hate it when my mother assumes before actually getting the real facts. One of my favorite quotes is “Religion is like sex, its fine if you wanna do it, but don’t try to shove it down my throat.” I think that’s the problem with parents. They trick and try to convince their children that religion is life and must be followed and obeyed at all times. Children are brainwashed into thinking that if they don’t believe in something, they’re going to hell, and that they have to believe in hat their parents believe in. Well I hate to break it to you silly adults, but kids are finally waking up! We’re tired of listening to your foolish ploys about why religion is so frickin important. We have a right to believe in what we want. It’s called freedom of religion. Last time I checked that was an amendment for Americans and last time I checked, we were American, so why don’t we have a say. My mom and I get in arguments about this all the time, but I’m tired of her saying “Not in my house you don’t” right after I say “We live in American, I HAVE freedom of religion.” I’m tired of being told what I can and can’t do just because I live under her roof. I don’t care whose roof I live under, I’m still American and I still have rights. Those amendments aren’t just for people over 18, they’re for any person who’s old enough to think for him or herself, and say what’s on their mind. If that means you’re only 9years old, so be it, you still have rights. For the longest time, I actually believed the things my mom and dad told me about religion. But the more I pay attention in philosophy while we’re talking about atheism versus religion. And the more I pay attention to the world around me, where most of my friends don’t actually believe in everything their religion tells them, the more I defy my mother’s beliefs. I’m not saying I don’t believe in a god, I just don’t believe certain aspects and fallacies of the religion my mother wants to call Catholicism and my father wants to call Christianity. Overall, I just wish parents would allow their children to be the free spirited, “speak-your-mind” kinds of kids that they encourage. Don’t tell us to live how we want if you’re going to set limits on us for most of our childhood. That’s the one stage where we actually retain what we learn and grow from that knowledge, so if there are conflicting statements and encouragements, we just grow up to be confused, and shy little children. Well not me, I’m tired of being put down and told what I can and cannot do. It’s time for me to take charge of my life and do what I want, with no limitations or setbacks! TTFN *I miss Tigger*

*greenswimgirl14*

Growing Community

My BFFLEIWKEO, Sonia, and I were talking about life getting exciting. we used to live in our own little sub-world to get away from the boringness that surrounded us. We always say now, how we’ve fallen out of the fandom. The manga’s we used to read have just gone dull. We both agree that it has to do with the enlargement of our group. what used to be a group of 8 girls, already big from the beginning, is now a group of 4 girls, another group of three girls and two guys, ANOTHER group of seven guys, another group of four girls and then random people who join on certain days. That’s a total of 20 people all in one group. We’ve grown by 12 people.

I was actually excited for our group to grow. A group of just girls gets booring after awhile. Adding a bunch of guys to our group was fun. However, with all of the new people came entirely too much drama. lt’s just say people started dating each other, there were brutal break-ups, awkward post-break- ups, and a lot of enemies made. I wanted more friends, less drama. And i got more friends, MORE drama. I took drama freshamn year, i was through with it then. I didn’t want it in my group of friends too. grrrrr

the onl good thing about this little situation is, more parties, which means meeting even more people and reuniting with old onea. Which is what brings us to our next subject. After going to one of my guy friend’s parties, i met one of my old friends. We talked and dnaced all night. Hes really fun, really nice and WARMMMMMMM. Sorry Jacob fangirl moment there. But literally, he reminds me of Jacob. Except I don’t have an Edward who broke my heart, so i would totally choose my Jacob. He invited me to his party and I realized I liked him even more. I think he knows, but I can never be sure. They say girls are confusing. PLEASE. guys have like no emotions, the’re the hardest people to read. It makes it even harder when he’s a flirt. Cuz then i don’t know if he’s actually hitting on me, or just flirting. I mean he’s only been in one relationship it seems like, so i know he’s loyal,b ut still.

Oh well, I guess I’ll find out at his Homecoming. and if he comes to mine, then i’ll find out then too. Wow, I’m surprised I had that much to type. See what happens when I’m gone too long. I spill my heart out and then a day later I have more to say, but I don’t feel like going on the computer. well i guess I’ll post sometime in the near future haha. I’m off to search! TTFN *I miss Tigger*

*greenswimgirl14*

To the Love of My Life 12

May 22, 2011

To the love of my life,

Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve written to you. Where to begin…hmm well I miss you. I miss talking to you, and texting you, and joking with you. I miss having my crazy friends try to put us together and we end up together anyway. I miss making plans that our parents don’t know about and then getting our friends in on it. I miss inviting you to random outings and having to help you come up with some excuse to tell your parents. But mostly, I just miss you. I wish I could tell you that I still like you after all this time. I wish I could text you like nothing was wrong and we could pick up where we left off. But I can’t, I had an opportunity and I blew it, and trying to patch things up now would just be too difficult. I’m hoping to see you more this summer, but I doubt that’s gonna happen. I have entirely too much to pack into this summer and I don’t know if I’m gonna have time for…oh who am I kidding, I’m gonna have all the time in the world, I just don’t wanna make everything worse than it already is. Yeah it’s confusing, and I don’t think either one of us knows what happened. I’m just tired of always being first. Tired of being the first one to text, tired of being the first one to call, tired of being the first one to make plans. I just want you to make the first move for once. Is that too much to ask? I’m officially confused on what the heck I’m feeling nowadays. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Things that don't last...

in order of quickest to fall apart

• relationships
• marriages
• …friendships

“Do you remember in kindergarten, how you’d meet a kid, and know nothing about them, then 10 seconds later you’d be playing like you were best friends, because you didn’t have to be anyone but yourself?” (Vanessa Hudgens, Highschool Musical) The sad thing is, when you hit middle school, it takes a lot to fit in and you don’t make very many friends. At most you have 1 bestfriend. Then you hit highschool where it’s like mini college. You know a lot of people, but a lot of the rest of them are from different schools so it’s elementary all over again. The friends you make in highschool are super close to you, and it takes something major to break you up. But with friendships that close, everyone knows everyone’s problems and it causes a lot of tension and puts a lot of stress on everybody; so that strong rope that could never break has turned into a fraying thread that could break any second. I don’t like fights and arguments and drama, but with everything going on right now, I feel it’s inevitable. I have my own problems right now and then on top of that I have to deal with all this. Friendships are meant to last once they’ve been longer than a year, not fall apart at the very last second. At the rate all of this is going, if we don’t all talk this out, I have a feleing, we’ll be spending our summers alone. I don’t want it to come to that but there’s too much drama, stress, and blame. I think what we all need is a break, but with this freaky weather, that’s not gonna happen for a while. I just wish everything could go back to the beginning of the year when there was no drama, no tension, no stress. Just laughs, inside jokes, and late night FUN phone calls. I’m tired of crying, screaming, arguing, and fighting!

Why Me?

well this sucks. what happened to this being a great weekend. i'm telling you it's Sundays. they're all cursed!!!

This weekend is gonna be amazing!!

I absolutely couldn't wait for this weekend. The week went by so slowwww but now it's finally Sat. and Sunday comes afterwards!! i hate that song but i had to haha! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep sorry for my random freak out!! It's gonna be Ah-MAZING!

Response to 'What's Up Blogspot'

Hey guys, so I’ve been having a lot of philosophical entries lately, so I figured I’d post a normal one today. SO I’m gonna be responding to my last normal entry, which was "What’s Up Blogspot". In order to respond to it, I’ll have little sections from it italicized so you know what I’m referring to…sound good? Okay then here we go.

"But I really can’t wait till next month for two reasons. One of which I can’t tell you until after it’s over and then maybe not even then. The second reason is that the end of March is the first showing of my school’s play WORKING, where I play head Checker at the Treasure Island Super Market and a Cleaning Woman/mother. I’m so frickin excited, if we can get this thing organized that is. It’s a dull and stupid play in my opinion and the opinion of the rest of the cast, but our teacher has wanted to do it for years so we’re just going with it."

Okay so 1, the first half of this month that I wanted to happen is over, so now I can tell you. So the reason I was excited was because I had a party to go to, and the guy I liked was gonna be there but I didn’t wanna jinx anything until after it was over. Nothing’s happened yet, but I think I’m closer than I was last time to actually getting him. I’m really, happy right now. Even though I still have a party hangover from all the dancing and fail at flirting and FOOD!!! My friend’s mom always has the best food for parties. Yeah it’s official, go listen to Last Friday Night by Katy Perry, that’s exactly how I’m feeling. Okay now about the play, well we’re almost done. I can’t wait to be done with this stupid play. It was fine in the beginning, but we over practice too much so now it’s just dead. We all can’t wait for this stupid thing to be over. Grr, Mrs. Taylor, if I didn’t think you were an awesome teacher, I would so have dropped your class.

"So moving on, so I now have 3 notebooks with three of my friends instead of just 1. It’s so hard trying to keep up with all the different stories, and remember who I was telling which story. Haha like with one of my friends we only talk about boy and relationships, my best friend we talk about our lives and I rant about all this drama going on, and my other best friend writes me random stories."

So now I have four notebooks. My best-friend, my guy friend, my good friend, and my friend that loves picking on me. The topics haven’t changed much though. I haven’t written in my best-friend’s notebook for awhile, I need to do that soon. My guy best-friend’s has been filling up rapidly. My good friend and I’s stories are still discussing boys and relationship drama, and after this party, we have a lot that needs to get discussed. And the last notebook, was abruptly givin to me, because my friend felt left out since everyone had a notebook but him. My other friend doesn’t even have one yet, I can’t keep up with all of them. So I’ll respond t them in this order: Boy Drama, Best-friend, Neglected. My best guy friend has out notebook right now so I can’t respond to him.

"Unusually, I have no guy stories. My love life has been quiet lately, because I pretty much gave up until yesterday when I decided to actually do something. Which didn’t last long, but I got the response I wanted…sorta. And I’ve been looking into things which are kind of starting to confuse me, along with things I’ve heard. But I’m gonna be quiet until I get everything figured out, so remember after March I’ll tell you guys everything."

So yeah, after last night, my love life will be anything but quiet. Especially with my friends blabbing it to the rest of the group -___- Even though we were ALL there. The birthday girl kept checking in to see how things were going and then would just laugh when she saw us together. My two best-friends couldn’t stop pushing us together. Then you had my other friend who kept giving me mixed info, which I still need to get sorted out.

So since Blogspot can show gifs, I’m going to start using blogspot for my actual posts, and Tumblr for my reblogs. I still go on there because my friends have them, but I won’t be using it anymore. I’ll just have to slowly convert all my Tumblr followers to Blogspot so I can get more followers, cause I have a lot on Tumblr. But for now, I’m fine with just one. I know more than one person reads my blogs, it’s just the people that I know read it, don’t have blogspots -___-.

To the Love of My Life 11

March 13, 2011

To the love of my life,
Thanks for last night, it was fun. I hope that comes to show that I don’t care who you pick, I’ll be happy either way. Even if my friends were being entirely too "pushy" haha. They don’t grasp the concept of NO, so I’m sorry for their straight forwardness, if that makes sense. Anyway, thanks again, I had fun and I’m hoping we can most definitely do that again sometime. I love you!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

A True Philosopher

So all this philosophical analysis and discussions on existentialism has taught me that I truly am a philosopher. I went through all my blogs and learned that I do question life and the meaning of our existence and where true happiness comes from and how to obtain it. GHI really helped me to become the philosopher we’re all meant to be. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has the capability to become a philosopher, however not everyone can get in touch with that part of their psyche that helps you to analyze life and the meaning of existence. I thought my brain was broken for me to be questioning all of this when I was younger and then to even further in depth with these thought. Turns out, my brain was just highly intelligent. I’ve always questioned the impossible and searched for answers on these questions, which is exactly what philosophy is about. I was doing what philosophers have been doing for centuries, while I was only 4. My brother was a genius, like for real, and I thought I was just smart. Not genius level but up there. Where he was a genius in math and science, I was a genius in English and science. We both sucked in school and hated it with a passion. Two geniuses in subject we both hate. Science was fine. We both love science. But he hated math and I hated English, yet those were our strong suits. I still suck at math and hate English. He still hates math and could careless about English. He liked history more, like my mom. I’m just so happy I finally found meaning in life. When we started existentialism in English, I thought I had finally found something to call myself, but I’ve learned that where I may agree with some of the Existentialists beliefs, their main belief I do not agree with. I agree that God did not create us, I just don’t believe that we have no after or pre-lives. We have to go somewhere, our souls don’t just disappear with our bodies.

Ten Thing You’ll Hate About Me

1. I’m entirely too loud for normal ears. Only my friends are used to me.
2. I’m super skinny with a good butt. (Not in a conceited way, but a lot of my friends are jealous of that)
3. I’m comfortable in my own skin and don’t take sh*t from anyone
4. I’m blunt about everything; I just say it how it is.
5. I’m multitalented: I’m athletic, I can model, I can act, I can sing, and I can dance.
6. I have a lot of friends who are actually my friends and not just with me to make themselves more popular.
7. I’m smart when I want to be and can actually pass all my classes and sill have a life.
8. My parents are still together and besides the normal mother daughter conflicts, there’s not a lot of tension in my house.
9. I’m spoiled rotten cause I’m the baby of the family. I pretty much get anything I want, within reason.
10. And the absolute number one thing you’ll hate about me. I’m so friendly with everyone I meet, I speak the truth, and I’m charismatic. These three main qualities will make you actually love me. So you’ll hate that you love me. haha

Everyone Should Have A Blog

I think everyone should have a blog. I mean it’s the best one to express everything you have bottled up without the stress of knowing exactly who knows your secrets. If it’s on a blog then anyone can read it. IDK, I guess I just think if a random person knows your inner working; it’s less embarrassing than a close friend knowing. Even if that close friend reads your blog and learns, it’s not like they’ll come up to you the next day and be like "SO, I read you blog. Why didn’t you tell me all this earlier!" They’ll either forget or keep it to themselves. I guess people are just so scared to say the truth; therefore, they refuse to spill their hearts out. But here’s a shock, letting all that out actually will help with your depression or sadness. Keeping it in doesn’t help anyone; it just makes you feel worse. When I feel bad, sure I do what every girl does; I listen to sad songs and eat away my depression, but I also blog about it. And it’s not like months later; it’s an automatic response to how I’m feeling at the moment. It helps me get better quicker and I don’t dawn on that problem anymore. I move on to the next problem, until they’re all solved for the time being. All I’m saying is people need to be more open, cause trust me, as embarrassed and exposed you may feel, it’ll actually help you.

If you’re scared of someone making fun of you for what you say, you have to think of it this way: The only reason they’re picking on you or making fun of you is cause they feel insecure about THEMSELVES. If they opened up and poured their hearts out too, there would be no conflict or bullying. Bullies have the same insecurities you have. They pick on you because they’re jealous of how comfortable you are with being yourself, when they can’t be. Yeah I know it hurts, but if you look at the truth behind it, you should actually take it as a compliment. They’re not bullying, they’re just expressing their jealousies and admiration of you in the worst way possible. They can’t be jealous unless they like something you’re doing so you must be doing something right!

My Detest for BiPolar People

You know what I hate, and I mean absolutely despise… BI-Polar people. And I don’t mean diagnosed bipolar people, just the ones that act bipolar. It’s like one second they’re nice to you and all of a sudden, they shun you like you’re yesterday’s dinner. I mean like seriously WHAT IS THAT ABOUT! What happened to "friends for life". My brother wasn’t kidding when he said that you don’t make your true friends till you’re like 35. I thought it was just him, but he seriously wasn’t kidding. It’s like, as soon as someone else comes in the picture, you’re pushed to the back of their minds. I’m not saying I need to be the center of attention, but don’t act like we’re just "acquaintances". We’re best friends, so act like it!! Like honestly, if you don’t wanna be my friend anymore, just say so, I’ll find a new friend. And then you’ve got the friends who tell you something and then act like nothing happened the next day. Like what happened to the whole plan we formulated the day before, did I just imagine that or did you change your mind? Cause if you did, those are the kinds of things a person needs to know! I just don’t understand why people can’t be honest with each other. The term "best-friend" has certain rules to go by. No I’m not saying you HAVE to go by them, but you should at least TRY! I mean what’s the point of calling me a best-friend if you’re just gonna treat me like a friend. If you want to replace me, fine go ahead, but tell me. Don’t just replace me and then leave me wondering what the heck happened. This has happened to me before, so it’s not like I can’t take it. I just don’t like it when it’s out of nowhere and then I’m just left alone and depressed. I don’t feel like being a loner again. I guess my main point is, leave idgaf, but tell me before you do so I can be prepeared for the pain.

Update to VV post below this

so apparently moving pictures don't really work until you click on them, but hey that's a startt. I'll just have to figure something out

Just Checking if This Works

To the Love of My Life 10

February 18, 2011

To the love of my life,

I don't care how long I have to wait. I've made up my mind, that I'll wait until I know it's impossible. I'll be your shoulder to cry on when she breaks your heart. I'll be your pick me up. No matter, how stupid both me and someone else, think you are for believeing that she truly likes you. SHE'S PLAYING WITH YOUR HEART!! She's not good with relationships, or guys who actually want to make something out of a friendship. She's all toot it and boot it, but I'll wait until you realize that. even if some of my friends, think you're cocky, arrogant, and maybe sometimes a jerk, I still like you. I have for a while and you know that. I'm not so sure how much I like the idea of being a rebound, mais c'est la vie! I'll be here until you tell me to go away. I just wanted you to know that I still love you! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Single's Awareness Day

So I TOTALLY forgot to post this up after i put up my other one so. . .here goes nothing. . .


Hey guys, so I haven’t really blogged in a while and I figured today would be a perfect day haha. So to my one little follower on Blogspot and my I think 8 followers on Tumblr, this is for you. So as you all know today is that dreaded day for single otherwise known as Valentine’s Day. I’ve always been Anti-Valentine’s day so I wore a shirt labeled "Single’s Awareness Day" today. The back said Lonely Heart’s Club. I find this holiday about as stupid as a 13yr old trying to act like she’s 18. And I found out today, that I’m not the only one who despises this holiday. My English teacher hated it as well when she was little. To summarize her little speech this morning ‘It’s a stupid holiday made up for guys to show other guys which girls are taken or, "owned" as she said, and to show which guy has more money. It’s pretty much just a gloating holiday where girls are praised with bears and chocolates just to show that someone owns them and that their boyfriend is amazing. What if your boyfriend isn’t rich and can’t afford a gigantic teddy bear, then you just feel embarrassed walking around with a little rose and a box of $3.00 chocolates. And don’t deny it girls, you might say thanks to your boyfriend, but you know deep down, you’re thinking "Great, now all my friends are gonna look down on me cause they have huge ‘stupid’ stuffed animals and I don’t." it just makes people feel embarrassed or bad for not having a rich boyfriend or no boyfriend at all.’ So thanks to my English teacher who shall not be named, because you totally made me feel better about this retarded holiday. Of course, I didn’t feel bad to begin with, but her little rant on her high school Valentine’s Day experiences totally made my day. So this blog goes out to all the singles out there. You’re not alone! Be happy you don’t have to deal with the embarrassment of not having a huge gift. For all people know, your boyfriend could go to a different school and you’ll see them later tonight. So hold your heads up high and be proud that you’re not taken. That just leaves more doors open for you later in life! Peace out, I’m going to pig out on the rest of my chocolates from MY PARENTS! Haha

What's Up Blogspot?

HEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Yeah, so this month has been interesting, dull, and exciting all at the same time. Well this month and parts of last month. But I really can’t wait till next month for two reasons. One of which I can’t tell you until after it’s over and then maybe not even then. The second reason is that the end of March is the first showing of my school’s play WORKING, where I play head Checker at the Treasure Island Super Market and a Cleaning Woman/mother. I’m so frickin excited, if we can get this thing organized that is. It’s a dull and stupid play in my opinion and the opinion of the rest of the cast, but our teacher has wanted to do it for years so we’re just going with it. So moving on, so I now have 3 notebooks with three of my friends instead of just 1. It’s so hard trying to keep up with all the different stories, and remember who I was telling which story. Haha like with one of my friends we only talk about boy and relationships, my best friend we talk about our lives and I rant about all this drama going on, and my other best friend writes me random stories.

Unusually, I have no guy stories. My love life has been quiet lately, because I pretty much gave up until yesterday when I decided to actually do something. Which didn’t last long, but I got the response I wanted…sorta. And I’ve been looking into things which are kind of starting to confuse me, along with things I’ve heard. But I’m gonna be quiet until I get everything figured out, so remember after March I’ll tell you guys everything. Hopefully, by March I’ll have more than one follower haha. But who knows. So I told my faithful Tumblr followers that I was sorry for neglecting them. I like Blogspot, but I have to see if it takes moving pictures. If not, I’m going back to my faithful and beloved Tumblr which is waaaaayyyy cooler than Facebook with their lame still pictures haha. Okay so it’s 9:30, and if I don’t at least pretend to go to bed, my mom’s gonna kill me so I’ll talk to you guys later. Peace out!!

Life

Life isn’t about how many people call you and it’s not about who you’ve dated, are dating, or haven’t dated at all. It’s not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn’t about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it’s not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn’t about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It’s about how you feel about yourself. It’s about trust, happiness, and compassion. It’s about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It’s about what you say and what you mean. It’s about seeing people for who they are and not for what they have. Most of all, it’s about living your life to touch someone else’s.

Best post i've ever seen: Dear Broken Hearted Fools

I have something to tell you. I may not know you, I may not even know what’s going on with your love life or why you’re broken hearted, but let me remind you of a few things. You’re probably disappointed in yourself. You’re probably sad. You’re probably hurting like hell. You probably lost yourself and no longer know who you are. You probably feel confused and shitty. You probably feel like you’re not worthy or not good enough for whoever it is. You’re probably feeling all these negativity hit you in the head and letting it eat you alive. Let me tell you something. You’re wrong more than 90% of the time.


You have to remember your own self-worth. Don’t ever let anyone put you down for that matter or any reasons. No matter how much they mean to you, your self-worth is better than theirs right now. They’re probably okay while you’re breaking into pieces. You have to remember that you are good enough for someone else if they don’t see that. They’re losing something precious and can’t see the goodness in front of them. It’s their loss, not yours.


You have to also remember that you’re a beautiful person inside and out. You’ll feel these type of emotions that you don’t deserve. Although, you’ll get stronger. You’ll learn. You’ll get better. I don’t promise soon, but if you’re really trying, then later. You will. You’ll become a better person you are right now. Just don’t ever forget that you’re beautiful and that you’re worthy because these are my simple reminders for you.

My sincerest apologies to ______________,

I never meant to confuse you or become a burden. I just wanted you to know how I truly felt. Little did I know, you had an outside source who had already told you. don’t listen to outside sources if you don’t know the facts are absolutely true. Haha for all you know, the main subject could have lied to the outside source, hence the situation we’re in now. I know what your choice will probably be, and I can accept that but at least I told you. if you do ever read any of this, I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble. I really do like you, I’m just not as forward as my competition. I’m really regretting telling your source I was over you though, because we could have skipped all this confusion and been further along in this triangle. Heck, there might not have even been a triangle, but whatever. What’s done is done, and now it’s time to move forward. I’m ready, always have been, to make this work. Whatever your choice, I’ll support you fully. Thanks for the heads up about possibly hurting me, but my motto is nothing comes easy. If you want something to work, you have to put your heart into it, even if might mean your heart getting hurt in the process. Some things are meant to be broken so they can fixed up better than before. So now after my confession, my apology, and my promise, I only have one question for you. with all of this newfound information, what’s your verdict?

To the Love of My Life 9

January 18, 2011

To the love of my life,

Well that all came as a shock to me. I’m glad I finally got that off my chest but I still feel kind of guilty now. I didn’t mean to add something else to your long list of worries and life altering situations. I actually smiled when I saw that you just didn’t want to lead me on until you were sure. Word to the wise, just ask me. Cause' chances are, if you’re using a third party source, their information might not be up to date. I’ll have to consult with your source however. But everything’s all-good now. Sorry to confuse you even more, but take your time in deciding. I mean it’s a choice between two girls who you’ve known for pretty much an equal amount of time, give, or take a few years. So it’s not as if it’s an easy choice. I just feel guilty that I’m doing this to my best friend/sister. Whatever you decide, I’m sure we’ll be okay with it. I wish I could just talk to her about this but I can’t without it being awkward so I’ll just wait for your answer. If we even, get one. I love you!! And now I’ve finally told you! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

To the Love of My Life 8

January 16, 2011

To the love of my life,

I guess I can’t stop you from pursuing your dream, and since she loves you back, it’s not a problem. I just wish you would have opened your eyes for two seconds. I guess some things just can’t be helped. Some are meant to be and some aren’t. C’est la vie! I’m not sure if I can say that I’ll move on for sometime. But I’m still hoping that you’ll wake up, even just for a little to see that there’s more out there. But if you do start going out, I won’t try to come between you or go after you as soon as you break up. I might miss you, but I won’t break girl code for this. Until I get a full on rejection however, or until I know it’s official, I will keep trying…even if you don’t notice my advances and treat them like friendly conversation. :/ I love you!! That’s all I want to say <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

You never realize how much you like someone until you watch them like someone else.

Aint that the truth

Our Horoscopes are all WRONG!!!!!

New Zodiac Sign! Meet Ophiuchus

Oh crap! So are everyones astrological tattoos wrong? The field of astrology, which is concerned with horoscopes and the like, felt a major disruption from astronomers, who are concerned with actual stars and planets. The astronomers from the Minnesota Planetarium Society found that because of the moon’s gravitational pull on Earth, the alignment of the stars was pushed by about a month.



According to the Minnesota Planetarium Society, here is where the real signs of the Zodiac should fall. Get ready for your world to change forever.
Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16. 
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11. 
Pisces: March 11-April 18. 
Aries: April 18-May 13. 
Taurus: May 13-June 21. 
Gemini: June 21-July 20. 
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10. 
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30. 
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29. 
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

Nonexistent Boys vs. Real ones

Depression hurts; Cymbalta can help. Sorry I just find that opening to their commercial extremely funny. Okay so you guys know how I said I have a tendency to fall in love with nonexistent boys? Yeah the reason for that is because they can’t break your heart. You can imagine them to do whatever, and they won’t disappoint you. They’ll be your knight in shining armor without all of the hassle of trying to make them like that.
But, unlike nonexistent boys, real boys are touchable and just within reach. However, they also know what to say to break your heart, make you melt, and convince you of anything. While nonexistent boys are safer, they can’t truly make you happy. But then again, no one can do that but you.

Sorry for all this random nonsense. It’s just, today I had a girl’s night in with my friends. One of my closest friends got a text from this guy. Before my other friend handed her the phone, I caught a glimpse of the name and realized it was from the guy I liked. I looked at the length of their messages in that short glance and noticed they were at least 3 pages long each. I know he likes her and I know he was never mine to begin with but it still hurts when I see that ya know. I text him and he gives me three word replies. She texts him and she gets 3 pages!! How is that supposed to make me feel?

DONE!!

okay i'm finally done updating and transferring. now to go my find my friends and follow them!!! woo

Battling My Own Demons

So I’m battling my own demons but until I can find trust and peace of mind, I’m gonna be miserable for a lot longer and it doesn’t feel to hot. I literally feel like my heart has broken. Not Bella status but close to it. And the sad thing is I have no clue why this is hurting me so much but it is.
So I finally listened to the rest of Ke$ha’s album Cannibal. I found the one song that I can totally relate to right now. The Harold Song explains exactly how I’m feeling right now. Ke$ha discusses how her true love has left and it feels like young love’s murder. My favorite line from the song is “In the limelight I play it off fine but I can’t handle it when I turn off my night light. They say that true love hurts well this could almost kill me; young love murder that is what this must be. I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.” This verse and chorus hit me hard because it’s completely true. I never thought I could get depressed. The cheerful, laughing girl can’t get depressed right? Wrong.


When you have time to think alone, you realize all the problems in your life. You learn the meaning of why you lash out at your parents, and why you feel suddenly distanced from your friends. The silence, where it may be scary and isolated, lets you truly think and analyze a lot. Without that silence, you might live your life as a lie. But hey, at least you’ll be happy and fake. No one has that “bundles of joy” life. The one where you put everything aside and leave it all behind you. No one can do that. At least once, in your life you’ll stay stuck in the past. You’ll dwindle on something depressing and realize not everything is a bundle of joy. You’ll finally wake up and see the world as it truly is. Sad and hurtful.


Before I went on vacation I read a book called The Awakening. It was about a woman who realized the marriage she was in wasn’t a happy one and she couldn’t raise her children properly. She had a few affairs and eventually killed herself. But not before she woke up and realized that, her life was a lie. She didn’t marry out of love and she would never make a good mother. She was happy just being herself. That book helped me to have my own awakening these few weeks. I’ve finally realized the meaning of my tense relationship with my parents; and why I talk to my friends and feel like I don’t know them anymore. My best friend and I tell each other everything and I don’t even feel close enough to her anymore. The reasoning? I’m not happy. I’m miserable and I had no clue why until now. I might have a lot of friends and a family who love me to death but I still feel alone. I’m not connected to the people around me. I feel like they’re just people who could leave any second and I’d still be on my own. Now I know this has probably been building up a lot over the years but it’s finally occurred to me. I’ve had friends abandon me before and my family tends to say things that make it seem like it wouldn’t even matter if I were there.

All humans are frightened of their own solitude. But only in solitude can we learn to know ourselves, learn to handle our own eternal aloneness.

--Han Suyin

And in the limelight, I play it off fine.
But I can’t handle it when I turn off my night light.
They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me.
Young love murder, that is what this must be.
I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.

------Ke$ha- The Harold Song

Isolation

I was standing in my kitchen no less than five minutes ago and I realized how truly alone I felt. Movies and books prep every girl for love. Most say you’ll find it in high school. I’d like to know when because it wasn’t in 9th grade or 10th grade and I have no hope for 11th. Is it in 12th? Does it really take that long for a girl to find her first love? Most girls dream of what their prom dresses and wedding gowns will look like; but what if you never get to wear them? I know the guy I like will probably end up asking one of my best friends, two of my friends have boyfriends, and my other friends have a few guy friends they can ask to take them to prom. But what about me?


God put us on this earth with a perfect other half, but he put us on opposite sides of the world so we would have to find each other. But what if your other half doesn’t find you. What if your perfect half is married, with two kids, and thinks that the person they’re with is their soul mate. Then what do you do? I mean can the other half be happy if his or her soul mate is with someone else? Or are they destined to live a solitary life? I mean sure they can settle, but will they ever truly be happy?


My bestest friend in the whole world is about to start a relationship with a guy that I think is perfect for her. I seriously think she’s found her soul mate, not a fake, but the real one. But, what I’ve noticed, is that neither one of them realizes it. Is that the problem? Do true, god chosen, soul mates find each other, but not notice it until the relationship is over? Is that why there are lonely halves out there, waiting? Because they found their soul mate but never, realized it? If that’s the case then we as humans will lead very depressing lives.


Sorry for this random sappy moment, but this is what happens when you stand in the middle of your kitchen, in the dark, and slowly feel the silence creep in. no cell phones going off with text messages from lovers, no phones ringing from secret lovers in the middle of the night. Just…silence. I think P!nk was right in saying “the silence scares me ‘cause it screams the truth.”

To the Love of My Life 7

December 19, 2010

To the love of my life,

I can’t do this anymore. No matter how much I try, every chance I can’t see you or I think about you my heart tugs. I’ve been slowly trying to patch up the tear in my heart but it’s not working. I can’t get you out of my head. You’re all I can ever think about and all I ever want. When you change your relationship statuses and post statuses about your friends that are romantic, my heart breaks just a little. I just want you to be mine. I want your relationship changes to be for me, and your statuses to be about me. I miss you and I hope we can patch things up between us. I love you again!! That’s all I want to say <#3 <#3 <#3 <#3 <#3 <#3 <#3

To the Love of My Life 6

December 7, 2010

To the love of my life,

I’ve finally gotten over you. And I’m happy to say that I’m proud that I’ve moved on. You were messing with my head and my heart and I got stuck in a dark void of rejection and unimportance. I would still love to be your friend, but I think we should distance ourselves for a while. No more liking each other’s statuses and being each other’s top fans. I still love you as a friend but that’s it. I’m through and I’m alive again. I have had my own awakening. Whether you know or not, this was a mutual breakup and I hope you understand. I will always have a place for you in my heart somewhere, just not as big as it used to be. There are other fish in the sea and it’s time I found them. That’s all I want to say </3 </3 </3 </3 </3 </3

To the Love of My Life 5

November 21, 2010

To the love of my life,

I’m through. I can’t take this anymore. If you’re too oblivious to realize I like you, then I don’t think I’ll be able to handle a relationship with you. And if my friends seriously have to tell you to ask me out then forget it. I just don’t know how to feel anymore: hurt, rejected, disappointed, and mainly just crushed. First, you marry some random chick and then say you’re unconditionally in love with your best friend. Yeah I know you probably don’t love her that way, but it’s hard to tell with you. I mean, she’s my friend too so I get it, but still. It’s just, never mind, we’re through. I’m ending this before it even begins and goes horribly, horribly wrong. I still love being your friend, but at the rate we’re going, we’ll always just be FRIENDS. I can’t love you anymore. That’s all I want to say </3 </3 </3 </3 </3

To the Love of My Life 4

November 16, 2010

To the love of my life,

Why must you confuse me so much? First, you ask me out and then change your relationship status from single to: married to some random chick. If you don’t have feelings for me, tell me now so I can stop wasting my time at trying to make this work. Well at least your new profile pic doesn’t have any other girls in it. I’m kind of sad I’m no longer in it though. Well at least we’ll have new profile pics after Saturday and hopefully Sunday. That is if you even care to still, go or if you’re not "busy". If you don’t want to go then just say so. Don’t say maybe and then, last minute, say you’re too busy. What was the point of saying maybe if you knew you wouldn’t be able to go. Grr, you just really, erk me sometimes, and it’s really starting to piss me off. I hate that I love you, because I really want to be mad at you, but I can’t be. I still love you!! That’s all I want to say <3 <3 <3 <3

To the Love of My Life 3

November 11, 2010

To the love of my life,

Why do you ignore me? I text, you respond with two words. You may not be saying them literally but it the simple message "Yeah, haha" I read "I don’t feel like talking to you so stop bothering me." Yeah, two words say all that. The worst part, you do that when I text you, but then I post pictures up and you comment on almost all of them, make one your profile pic, and then like the rest. Like wtf?!?!? Stop leading me on if you’re not committed. And don’t like a status that you know is about you if you don’t want to put in the effort to make it work. I wouldn’t be complaining if I knew you didn’t care. So please stop tearing my heart in two. It’s almost at the irreversible breaking point. I still love you!! That’s all I want to say <3 <3 <3

To the Love of My Life 2

November 1, 2010

To the love of my life,

You make me laugh every time I’m with you. I love the way you hold me; and how you never seem to want to let me go. Even if you are a major flirt, there are times when you just want to have me to yourself and I love you for that. The subtle way you ask me out and the signals you send me whenever we’re together are perfect. Even when we’re in public, you try to make at least one moment a time for just us. When I see you, everything else falls away. When I’m with you, I feel as if I’ve drifted off to heaven. Nothing else matters as long as I’m in your arms. I feel safe and protected and loved when I’m with you. I cherish that feeling. I get butterflies at just the thought of you. If you knew how much you make my heart race, you would understand that I love you so much that it’s almost difficult for me to breath. Every touch, every look, every text message, every call, makes my heart race, my stomach jump, and my feelings for you increase. One day we will have one day all to ourselves and when that day comes, I will be the luckiest girl on earth because you will be mine and mine alone. I love you!! That’s all I want to say <3 <3

To The Love of My Life 1

September 19, 2010

To the love of my life,

I’ve liked you for a while now but I just can’t seem to tell you. I want to ask you if you’ll go out with me, but I’m trying to find a subtle way to do it. Maybe a trip to Magic Mountain, or the movies. I’ll be sure to ask you what kind of movies you like. I’m pretty, sure, being a guy, it’s gonna be some action or horror film, or maybe even a comedy. I absolutely love action movies, and chick flicks bore me unless they have a good plot line. I hate horror movies, but if I get scared I can just lean into you. I really wish I had the guts to just call you and ask if you want to go out. If my friend asks the guy she likes out or at least tells him she likes him, then I’ll tell you. I find it funny, because the guy she likes is your best friend. Wow, I actually feel relieved that I finally got this out. I mean my best friend knows, but we know everything about each other so she doesn’t really count. On the off chance that you read this, please don’t laugh. I know when you first see this; you’ll probably think its funny, but the truth is it’s about you. Yes you. You’ll probably ask me anyway who this is for, but by the time you find this, I’ll have the courage to tell you the truth. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I’ll just be happy that at least I tried. I love you!! That’s all I want to say <3

about the blog overload

sorry for all the random blogs. i've been trying to transfer al of my Tumblr post to blogspot. i'm almost done. and then after that i have one more thing to tell you guys. oh and by the way my isolation blog and battling my demons blogs were my most reason so i'm gonna repost those later so they're at the top

Yeah so a little update

Hey guys. Okay so remember that guy i’ve been talking about. The one who reminds me of Jacob. yeah he’s a huuuuuuuge flirt but I still love him. I spent most of the night either in his lap or in his arms. With a 15min hug to end it all!! Now that’s what i call a Halloween party. especially the way I was dressed. Oh yeah, that was some gooooood fun. Well before i start remembering this night in my head and going off on a love sick tangent, i will end my post here. But i just wanted to let you all know that we’re “-” close to going on an actual date, just the two of us!! <3 <3 <3  I’m off to talk to him! TTFN *I miss Tigger*

*greenswimgirl14*

Just a little tidbit

hey guys so my School blog is up!!! Oh and I gave up on my bahamas blog. oh and BTW; the guy from my first blog came back for a visit, still cute but i’m over it. The second guy i liked is a total douche like most guys. My two new guys one of them is like my older bor but i still like him. he’s really nice, but i think i truly only like him like a brother. The second guy is absolutely perfect. great body, sweet, makes me laugh, great texter, on the football team, and has a wickedly crazy 5yr old inside ( i can tell) he likes to play A LOT!!!! :D well TTFN *I miss Tigger*

*greenswimgirl14*

umm...Hi

So I've finally made a blogspot. I have no clue how to work this thing. And it doesn't have as many cool functions as Tumblr, but I'll manage. So  this is going to become like my second diary since Tumblr is my first. I have friends on both sites so whatever goes on Tumblr will also go on here. Even if this site is a little confusing. Tumblr is kind of like my online diary that’s open to the public and I sure as hell treat it like a diary. So now blogspot will be just like that. I put maybe about two entires in my diary before I get bored with it easily. I guess life has just become more entertaining.


Actually my BFFLEIWKEO, Sonia, and I were talking about life getting exciting. we used to live in our own little sub-world to get away from the boringness that surrounded us. We always say now, how we’ve fallen out of the fandom. The manga’s we used to read have just gone dull. We both agree that it has to do with the enlargement of our group. what used to be a group of 8 girls, already big from the beginning, is now a group of 4 girls, another group of three girls and two guys, ANOTHER group of seven guys, another group of four girls and then random people who join on certain days. That’s a total of 20 people all in one group. We’ve grown by 12 people.


I was actually excited for our group to grow. A group of just girls gets booring after awhile. Adding a bunch of guys to our group was fun. However, with all of the new people came entirely too much drama. lt’s just say people started dating each other, there were brutal break-ups, awkward post-break- ups, and a lot of enemies made. I wanted more friends, less drama. And i got more friends, MORE drama. I took drama freshamn year, i was through with it then. I didn’t want it in my group of friends too. grrrrr
the onl good thing about this little situation is, more parties, which means meeting even more people and reuniting with old onea. Which is what brings us to our next subject. After going to one of my guy friend’s parties, i met one of my old friends. We talked and dnaced all  night. Hes really fun, really nice and WARMMMMMMM. Sorry Jacob fangirl moment there. But literally, he reminds me of Jacob. Except I don’t have an Edward who broke my heart, so i would totally choose my Jacob. He invited me to his party and I realized I liked him even more. I think he knows, but I can never be sure. They say girls are confusing. PLEASE. guys have like no emotions, the’re the hardest people to read. It makes it even harder when he’s a flirt. Cuz then i don’t know if he’s actually hitting on me, or just flirting. I mean he’s only been in one relationship it seems like, so i know he’s loyal, but still.


Oh well, I guess I’ll find out at his Homecoming. and if he comes to mine, then i’ll find out then too. Wow, I’m surprised I had that much to type. See what happens when I’m gone too long. I spill my heart out and then a day later I have more to say, but I don’t feel like going on the computer. well i guess I’ll post sometime in the near future haha. I’m off to search! TTFN *I miss Tigger*

*greenswimgirl14*

My Whole Life: Part 2

Sorry it took me so long to update. A lot has been going on with the vacation, and all the planning with my friends. I know someone Formspringed me asking why I never went on Tumblr anymore. I was still writing so I couldn’t really post anything up.


It’s part 2 of my life. So I think for today I’ll discuss my friends and how they’ve affected my life. In my last post, I talked about my boy troubles and the guys in my life. I was talking to my best friend Sonii on Wed. and we were talking about my new Tumblr and what I had written so far. She pointed out to me that one of the guys I talked about, I hadn’t really told my friends I liked. At first I thought, “Oh great now I have to change it”, but then I thought a little more; this is technically the break down of my life. He’s gone for awhile so it’s okay for me to talk about him; especially since I don’t even like him anymore. Plus, only three of my friends know I have a Tumblr, for right now, and two of them don’t even know who I’m talking about. I say ‘for right now’ because I kind of posted that I have a Tumblr on Facebook. But oh well, I’m not ashamed of anything I say. It used to be a secret but if I keep all of thisbottled up, I’ll never feel happy, so it’s time to let it all go. So to all my friends out there, “Yes I used to have a crush on Chris!” so what, I know a few of you did too.


Now that I’m done with that little recap, I’ll start my actual blog. I think I’ll do that on most of my post now. The first paragraph of every post will be a sum up of the previous post. I’ve also decided to post these once or twice a week. It’s summer so I have a lot of time to post. Hopefully by the end of summer, I’ll be done with everything that’s happened in my life so far. Anyways, moving on; my friends are my life. I mean I love my parents, but my entire life revolves around being social and connected with people. I absolutely love my friends and they each mean something special to me.
I think I’ll put up a little tidbit about each of them, starting with my best friend since last year. Haha


 Sonii: Sonia Aghoian is my bestest friend. We met last year well, two years ago. Freshman year to be exact, second semester. We didn’t really talk that much until the summer before tenth grade. We always used to ask each other how we became friends and why we’ve been best friends for so long. She finally figured it out. She had called me two years ago because everyone else was busy and I just happened to pick up the phone. We talked forever that day. I think that was the most had ever talked to someone on the phone. I’m not a phone person so it was really, awkward for me, but she didn’t have texting at the time so I understood the dilemma. We figured out that the reason we stayed best friends, is because we have so much dirt on each other, that if we ever got into a fight, we would ruin each others lives. Plus I think we would die if we ever separated now. She’s like my long lost sister. She’s the closest thing I’ve had to an ultimate best friend and I’m surprised we’ve stayed this close, for this long. We’ve created alternate personalities for ourselves, which help us, in my opinion, keep a strong hold on reality. If we didn’t have Sonii& Khy, I think we would have lost it years ago haha.


Meagan Fox: Also known as Vargasm, Ashells, Chipmunk, and a whole bunch of other silly nicknames. I’ve known Ashley Vargas the third longest out of all my friends. We’ve known each other since the sixth grade because our moms used to talk a lot. She used to be my texting buddy throughout middle school. Plus she gave me rides to Beckford from Nobel. I think we grew closer because of that. Ashley is crazy fun and loves to mess around. We call her a chipmunk because of her cute little cheeks, but sometimes I think it’s also because of how hyperactive she acts. :D She’s been through a lot in her life. Probably much more than me, but out of all of our friends, she seems to be the happiest. I think it’s because she knows she can always count on us if something gets really, bad. She’s always got a warm shelter waiting for her when she’s with us. She’s the third oldest of all of us but she’s like the baby of the group. We protect her, even if she doesn’t need it. Ashley’s a strong willed girl who can most definitely hold her own, but we’re there when she needs us. I Love you Ash.


 Momma Dormouse: Naomi Weisz is our mother. She’s the mother of Ashley and I and the wife of Amanda. I’ve known Naomi the second longest. Our moms used to work together so we always saw each other around Beckford. I think we got closer because of Ashley. Naomi has a lot of nicknames as well, but they all convey the same message, she’s our leader who makes sure everything is in order. She’s our mom, our “fake” Mafia Leader lol, and overall our safe haven. I’m pretty, sure we’ve all gone to Naomi for help or advice or just a warm hug. Naomi gives off that welcoming vibe that absolutely no one can resist. She’s definitely a friend that I will keep in my life for years to come.


Panda: Amanda Petty is the crazy aunt that everybody wants in their family. She’s as crazy as Ashley when they’re together but she can be as quiet as Naomi when she’s alone. I met Amanda in eighth grade English. I found out later that she knew Naomi and Ashley. It seems like Ashley brought our entire group together. Amanda is our outdoor friend. She loves hiding in trees and just being outside in general. She’s also our most religious friend. She loves going to church and loves hanging out with all of her church friends. She’s quirky and sophisticated at the same time but we love her anyways. She wants to be a photographer, however, the camera loves her when she’s in front of it too.


Sea Monkey: Kelsi Ramirez is our party girl. If you get her and Ashley together, who knows what could happen. She absolutely LOVES boys and her and Ashley are always fighting over Kellan Lutz or Channing Tatum. I’ve known Kelsi since sixth grade. We were in the same Math, Science, English, and History class. My first memory of Kelsi was on our first day of middle school and she ended up in my homeroom. But, it turns out she was in the wrong homeroom. I didn’t remember that that was her until she reminded me later on. Going anywhere with Kelsi is a blast. She turns anything into something fun. Especially when we’re all tired and insane. “I was in the kitchen?” Or my favorite, “This is Potato Salad…I thought it was Macaroni!” Our favorite jokes among our friends, come from staying up late till 3in the morning on empty stomachs and sleep deprivation. Good times, good times hahaha.


Vi of the Tan: Tanvi Gupta is our dancer. I’ve known Tanvi since he sixth grade. We used to be best friends until eighth grade grad night. We got into a little disagreement over who had found where the food court was at Magical Mountain. I had been to Six Flags the Sat. before grad night, so I remembered where everything was. It was around 9:00pm so it was dark and our group was hungry. I was leading us all to the food court but my Tanvi, Elahe, and Pooja insisted we get a map. So we stopped at a nearby gift shop to pick up a map, which no one could read because it was dark out. So while Tanvi and the other stood under a walkway lamp, I kept walking. I found the food court about 20 steps away from where we were. It was literally around the corner. I walked back to the group who was still lost on where we were. I told them the food court was right around the corner, but Tanvi insisted that she had lead everyone there. We got into an argument and she started “fake crying”. Elahe and Pooja sympathized with her while our other friend Carole just stood there not knowing what to do. Tanvi walked away with Pooja, Elaha looked back at me and then followed. Carole followed them, and they left me there in the middle of Magic Mountain with no one. Luckily Carlos Gonzalez, my friend from homeroom and a close friend of Ashley’s showed up. Apparently he had just gotten off of Tatsu, so he found me and we hung out for the rest of the night. I also lucked out because my mom and my sixth grade English teacher were chaperoning the event. Carlos and I ate, and then found them. So I got to ride all of he big rides unlike Tanvi and Co. who rode the baby rides because Elahe and Pooja were scared of roller coasters. I had a blast, but that was the end of Tanvi and I’s friendship. I sat alone at lunch until I ended up sitting with my T.A teacher Mrs. Bolden. It was the worst last two weeks of middle school, but I made the best of them. I never told anyone what happened and I moved on with my life. Pooja started calling my cell restricted just to leave me hate voicemail. She would call me a bitch and a slut and tell me I wasn’t pretty. I knew Tanvi was directed her, because Pooja didn’t have a mind of her own to do this alone. She called me a liar for saying I didn’t go to Granada, but I had never said I got into Granada first. Yes, I had gone to Cleveland and then transferred. That’s another reason I knew Tanvi was directing her. As soon as Tanvi had seen me at Granada, I got a call from Pooja two days later saying hi and how have you been. The same girl who had been calling me a bitch was now trying to act friendly. Tanvi ignored me for the first week of my school year and I think she thinks I’m cool with her now. I still hate her, but I’ve moved on. She looks at my mom anytime she’s over, because she knows what she did was wrong. My mom says she looks at her like she’s scared of my mom. I find it quite funny, but moving on from Tanvi and her deceitful ways my next friend is….


Sarah: I need a nickname for Sarah Chung. I’ve known Sarah the longest out of any of my friends. We’ve been friends since the second and first grade. Sarah is a year younger than me but we’re still close. I invite her to all my parties. We used to be neighbors, so we hung our A LOT. When I moved, we stopped talking to each other as frequently. I talk to her from time to time, but it’s only if one of our birthdays has come up. That reminds me, I still need to give her her fifteenth birthday present. At least, I think I haven’t given it to her yet…See that’s just sad that I can’t remember anymore. That’s how long it’s been since we’ve talked. But even with our communicationless friendship lol, I hope we stay friends for a very, long time. Have fun in tenth grade Sarah.

 Okay, I think that’s it on my friends. Tanvi’s was the longest. I’m so happy I finally got that off my chest. Even if no one reads it, I finally said it out-loud. I’ve never told anyone that story except Sonia, and she doesn’t even know the full story. Well, I’m going to wrap this one up quickly because I wanna start my Bahamas story. I took my vacation almost three weeks ago and I still haven’t written about how it went yet. I’ll talk to you guys later. Oh and btw, both Sarah and Ashley have Tumblr so add them. They have really, interesting stories that I think anyone would love to here. Also I have a formspring if anyone wants to ask me something, I could really use the questions right about now. It’s greenswimgirl14@formspring.me, or at least I think that’s the url. All I know, is my username is greenswimgirl14. Just go to formspring and look for me. My name is under Khy. My next blog should be up by the end of next week, and then I’ll probably also post one about all of the plans I made with my friends. Ice Skating next Wednesday, party on Friday, then sleepover that same day I’ve got registration for 11^th grade this Friday. I can’t believe I’m finally a Junior. Now I’m off to write! TTFN *I miss Tigger*

*greenswimgirl14*