Wow, I wrote this July 4, 2011. I swear I'm psychic. It's funny how I predicted all of this and th then shit happens 2days ago. I should have kept my word and ended this when i said I was going to.
I’m fed up with all of this. I tell you I like a guy, what do you do, you flirt with him. I tell you where I’m thinking about applying for a job, then you apply there. I tell you about a conversation that you promise to never bring up, what do you do, you bring it up and pretty much make it impossible for two people to ever have a normal conversation again, thus ending that friendship. I tell you about one of my favorite websites, you say it’s stupid. You make an account and all of a sudden, you love flaunting your popularity. Please you wouldn’t be that popular if I hadn’t told you about this site and both me and our other friend had convinced you to make one. You always bring up your friendship with my crush and talk about how he would probably ask you out before he asks me out. Then you go ahead and say how you don’t ever see it happening. Did I ask for your opinion…no! Then you tell me that my “used to be” best friend, until you messed everything up, is thinking about NOT coming to my birthday and you say it like it’s no big deal. Do you not get that we used to be as thick as thieves and now he never talks to me because you had to open your big mouth after you promised me TWICE that you wouldn’t say anything. I never should have said anything to you. I should have just dealt with it on my own and not said one word to you. Some friend you are. Steal my job, my bf, my bff. What next? My parents. And then you think that “occasionally” inviting me out with our friends is okay. If you didn’t invite me, don’t tell me what you guys did. I wouldn’t feel bad if you invited me and I couldn’t make it. But telling me about something, I had no clue about, then idrc what the fuck you guys did. Then you call me and invite to some get together that doesn’t include our old group of friends but people that you find much “cooler” and then add on “don’t worry, I didn’t invite your crush so you don’t have to freak out.” Why didn‘t you invite him? I mean you ask him out to everything else. Does it really matter if you invite him or not? Why is it so important for you to tell me that? Like seriously “What the fuck is your problem?” You can’t keep secrets anymore; you never wanna hang out with just me. I invited you to the beach with me and my mom. JUST YOU and what do you do? You invite your bf and your other bff because you thought the trip “would be better with a group.” Why can’t we just hang out like best friends? I mean we were already gonna see them later on that evening, but no, if you’re not with them the entire time, things get boring. Just recently, we were at the mall and you decide to invite your other friend to hang out with us. If I wanted her to come with us, I would have invited her myself. And the worst thing is you used my phone to do it since you can’t use yours. Calling her to tell her you found something is one thing, but telling her to come down and see it is a whole different thing. Why can’t we just hang out like we used to. One day, just us best friends. No bfs, no other friends, no crushes, no special occasions. Just a fun day with us, is that too much to ask? This summer was just supposed to be a better version of last year. Our last summer as highschoolers and you spend it with friends who first of all don’t go to our school, and second of all don’t even invite me to hang out with you guys. Just cause I have summer school doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. I’ve told you that before. If you tell me ahead of time, I can do my homework earlier and have a free day. But no, you don’t even try. You just tell me later how fun your day was. I guess it just goes to show how much we’ve drifted apart. And this didn’t start when the summer came around; we’ve been drifting since the beginning of second semester. It just took us this long to figure that out. Well it took me that long to figure it; you still choose to ignore it. I’ve been trying to tell you this would happen but you refused to believe it. You might have postponed this, but I wasn’t kidding when I said that maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore. We knew this day was coming, but hey, that’s life. Time’s change, people change, and friends split up. I’ve always been better on my own anyway. I do projects on my own; I used to eat alone after the 8th grade incident. I used to keep to myself A LOT! Then I met all of you and I started opening up. Worst mistake of my life. I work better on my own when everything stays personal and not everybody knows my life. Maybe that’s why I’m so scared to start dating. I might not act like it, but I’m honestly scared to start a relationship because I’m scared of letting someone in that much. No, I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m tired of you putting me down. God every time I talk to you nowadays I just wanna punch you in the face. You don’t let anybody have their own opinions or be right about anything! It has to be your way or your opinion and that’s it. I can’t say a guy is cute without you saying no he’s ugly, he has zits, he’s black, and he has acne so he must smoke. Earth to YOU but people get acne. Even black people. No one has perfect skin like you. And just so you know, I’ve had this discussion with him. They’re not acne; most of them are purposefully there. But you wouldn’t know that cause you don’t care what I have to say. I don’t have a say in anything anymore. You might ask me if it’s alright to invite more people but you would still do it even if I said no. You would argue until your point is made, which is technically just me giving up cause I don’t feel like arguing. I can’t get my hopes up without you saying “well I don’t think it’s gonna work. He’s not gonna ask you out.” How do you know? Has he told you, cause if not then shut up. I can hope can’t I? It’s called wishful thinking and optimism. You should try it sometime instead of being so fucking pessimistic half the time. And your political views, now I usually leave this to opinion because I really, really, don’t like arguing about politics. But I have news for you, our president will most likely get re-elected. Unbeknownst to you, most of our country is pleased with his accomplishments. It’s become very rare that a president doesn’t stay in office for two terms. Especially this president, considering he’s the change we’ve been needing for our generation. I don’t like arguing about this but I just thought I should put that in there. So yeah, I’m not fine thanks for asking. I’m fed up with you taking everything I have and putting me down. I hate to say it but you are truly turning into your sister. I liked it better when we got in arguments over food, clothes, and anime. Not relationships, friendships, politics, and everything else. You’re right I don’t have anything I could use as blackmail on you, but you know entirely too much about me and I don’t like it. I’m not saying anything else that doesn’t need to be said to you or anybody else for that matter. I’m utterly hurt that my old best friend and I will probably never be able to patch things up but we would have if I hadn’t told you anything and you hadn’t brought it up again. And I’m sorry that our other best friend was accused daily of replacing me, even if she didn’t know it. But what I’m most sorry for is how much you’ve changed. I never really changed, I’ve always been like this, I’m just more outspoken but I’m still the same old me. I just never show this side of me to people I just met. If you knew me back in middle school up till now, you would know that I’ve always been like this. To see this side of me means that I trust you. Or I guess trusted you. But you…this is a side that even you said you didn’t used to be. I liked it better when you were your alter ego. The fun one who fangirled over her old anime boys and didn’t fall out of the fandom. The old you that flirted but never settled and used to stay up on the phone all night discussing attack plans even if she knew she would get caught. Not the you that’s pessimistic about everything, complains about real relationship problems, and has too much drama. I know some of it’s not your fault, it’s your environment. But it all depends how you handle the situation, and I have to say, you’re not doing too well with it anymore. I’m sorry but I feel like this will be our last summer as best friends or maybe even friends in general. I don’t want to leave the group, and I mean our old group. But I don’t feel close to any of them anymore and I don’t feel close to you anymore. I guess I’m just not ready for long-term friendships or anything for that matter. Maybe in time we can fix all of this, but it’s gonna take a lot. I’m gonna miss you buddy but I can’t even cry over this anymore. I’ve shed all my tears, now all that’s left is anger and regret. Not regret for being your friend, but for telling you so much knowing this might not last. 3 1/2 years and it’s already over. I’m just sorry it had to end this way. I truly don’t want to talk. I just need time and space. Sorry. :/
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