Thursday, September 29, 2011
I'm BACK!!!!
So it's been awhile since I went on blogspot. I forgot about it to be honest. But I was going through my tumblr post and found one that said I'd be posting all my real life trouble posts and just how I feel about certain things, on here. So here I am. that's why my recent post say "written on..." I was moving them from my tumblr which is www.the-obssesive-greengirl-khy.tumblr.com btw. Blogger to blogger, I hope my tumblr followers don't mind that I'm totally promoting it on here, but it's a fun website, or at least it can be. So anyway, most of my life problems and the way I view the world will go on here, and the way I want to see the world and the way I wish I lived will go on my tumblr in the form of pictures, songs, videos etc. You can find my tumblr link under "Mah Connections" section too. Along with my youtube link. I'm trying to start a vlog site. I haven't been updating recently though cause it takes a long time for the videos to upload, but there are a few up right now. Hope you enjoy my blog and yes I got my bg theme from tumblr if you were wondering.!!
Good news and Bad news!!
The good news is I can post One direction my actual tumblr again!!! The bad news being I lost the friends who would bug me if I did cause they always accused me of spamming them.
Let’s go with the full story first:
So my “best friends” were trash talking one of my other friends, we’ll call her “L”, on formspring. They then denied it, even though L and I could clearly tell it was them. You wanna know why? Because my ex-bestest friend in the whole world, texted L saying it wasn’t her who sent the hate questions on fs. She texted her this at 7am. L had no clue what she was talking about so she texted me asking if I knew. We talked about it for a little while, but both of us were utterly confused. Then around 8pm THAT SAME DAY, L logs onto fs, sees the questions, responds, and then text me. My ex-best friend never would have been able to send the text ahead of L seeing the questions, if she didn’t know they had been sent. So I confronted my other best friend, we’ll call her “R”, about the whole situation. She couldn’t believe that I would believe L over my ex-bestest friend. Mind you, both my bestest friend and R hate L. She then had the nerve to tell me, that if I’m gonna stick up for another one of my friends over my bestf riend, I need to make sure the other person is worth it. But here’s the shitty part, she concludes with admitting it was her in the first place. Now if she had just said that in the beginning, this whole thing could have been settled. I would still be best friends with them, and L could just avoid them like she normally does. And life could go on. But no, they accuse me of being a bad “best friend” by sticking up for someone else. A bad best friend, is someone who trash talks one of my other friends and then lies about it to my face. Now in my opinion, I’m gonna stick up for one of my friends if they’re being bullied, regardless of if the bully is my best friend. Now am i wrong in doing so, or do you guys agree with me? cause I mean seriously.
Oh and for all of you out there who don’t know. formspring is a social networking site where you can ask your friends questions anonymously or with your name shown.
anyway, Rant over. -__-
Let’s go with the full story first:
So my “best friends” were trash talking one of my other friends, we’ll call her “L”, on formspring. They then denied it, even though L and I could clearly tell it was them. You wanna know why? Because my ex-bestest friend in the whole world, texted L saying it wasn’t her who sent the hate questions on fs. She texted her this at 7am. L had no clue what she was talking about so she texted me asking if I knew. We talked about it for a little while, but both of us were utterly confused. Then around 8pm THAT SAME DAY, L logs onto fs, sees the questions, responds, and then text me. My ex-best friend never would have been able to send the text ahead of L seeing the questions, if she didn’t know they had been sent. So I confronted my other best friend, we’ll call her “R”, about the whole situation. She couldn’t believe that I would believe L over my ex-bestest friend. Mind you, both my bestest friend and R hate L. She then had the nerve to tell me, that if I’m gonna stick up for another one of my friends over my bestf riend, I need to make sure the other person is worth it. But here’s the shitty part, she concludes with admitting it was her in the first place. Now if she had just said that in the beginning, this whole thing could have been settled. I would still be best friends with them, and L could just avoid them like she normally does. And life could go on. But no, they accuse me of being a bad “best friend” by sticking up for someone else. A bad best friend, is someone who trash talks one of my other friends and then lies about it to my face. Now in my opinion, I’m gonna stick up for one of my friends if they’re being bullied, regardless of if the bully is my best friend. Now am i wrong in doing so, or do you guys agree with me? cause I mean seriously.
Oh and for all of you out there who don’t know. formspring is a social networking site where you can ask your friends questions anonymously or with your name shown.
anyway, Rant over. -__-
Can you take a few inches off please??
Written August 5, 2011:
It’s 1:22 a.m so time for my random rants. -____- Okay so I love being tall, I’m 5”9 btw, I can model and wear high heels. See if I wasn’t tall, then my mom wouldn’t have gotten me into modeling, so I wouldn’t need to know how to wear high heels properly and if you knew my mom, the only reason she lets me where them is for practice. If I was short, even for school functions she’d probably just tell me to wear flats. Anyway, I love high heels but the problem is I’m almost as tall at the guys at our school ( I swear something went around and made all the guys short) so if I wear heels, I tower over them. My friends all want to be my height, but they just dont get it. Small girls are easy to cuddle with and look cuter in certain clothes, and dont’ get dress coded as easily. If I was still my size but shorter like 5”5-5”7 Like my best friends, then I would be a lot happier. I wouldn’t be able to model, but maybe then a guy would actually ask me out. Who knows, all I’m saying is it’s not as fun being this tall as you might think. I mean I get it, cause most of my friends are in the 5”1- 5”3 range except for my two best friends who are only a little shorter than me. But those few inches make a difference in my mind. And where I might flaunt being so tall, and act like I absolutely adore it, deep down, I despise my dad for being 6”4 and my borthers being 6”4 and 6”3. Cause that requires me to find a guy that tall simply because I love wearing heels. :(
It’s 1:22 a.m so time for my random rants. -____- Okay so I love being tall, I’m 5”9 btw, I can model and wear high heels. See if I wasn’t tall, then my mom wouldn’t have gotten me into modeling, so I wouldn’t need to know how to wear high heels properly and if you knew my mom, the only reason she lets me where them is for practice. If I was short, even for school functions she’d probably just tell me to wear flats. Anyway, I love high heels but the problem is I’m almost as tall at the guys at our school ( I swear something went around and made all the guys short) so if I wear heels, I tower over them. My friends all want to be my height, but they just dont get it. Small girls are easy to cuddle with and look cuter in certain clothes, and dont’ get dress coded as easily. If I was still my size but shorter like 5”5-5”7 Like my best friends, then I would be a lot happier. I wouldn’t be able to model, but maybe then a guy would actually ask me out. Who knows, all I’m saying is it’s not as fun being this tall as you might think. I mean I get it, cause most of my friends are in the 5”1- 5”3 range except for my two best friends who are only a little shorter than me. But those few inches make a difference in my mind. And where I might flaunt being so tall, and act like I absolutely adore it, deep down, I despise my dad for being 6”4 and my borthers being 6”4 and 6”3. Cause that requires me to find a guy that tall simply because I love wearing heels. :(
Senior Year, here I come!!
Written August 4, 2011:
It’s time to move on. I’m changing my look, picking my friends, and I’m gonna make the best of Senior year. I have all the classes I want and I have most of my friends in my classes. I lost friends and gained friends over the summer. Tried to fix problems with people who obviously didn’t want things to be fixed so I’m kind of just done. Done with drama, heartbreak, bullshit. I’m just done! This is gonna be a good year, and I’m not gonna let anybody mess it up. I’m through with trying to find a boyfriend, through with trying to make friendships work, through with juggling school and a social life. When the time comes, I’ll find the right guy. In the end, the friends who truly care about me will still be there, and without all of this other drama, I’ll be able to focus on school and still have fun. I’m ready to live the last year of my high-school/beginning of my adult life to the fullest. :)
It’s time to move on. I’m changing my look, picking my friends, and I’m gonna make the best of Senior year. I have all the classes I want and I have most of my friends in my classes. I lost friends and gained friends over the summer. Tried to fix problems with people who obviously didn’t want things to be fixed so I’m kind of just done. Done with drama, heartbreak, bullshit. I’m just done! This is gonna be a good year, and I’m not gonna let anybody mess it up. I’m through with trying to find a boyfriend, through with trying to make friendships work, through with juggling school and a social life. When the time comes, I’ll find the right guy. In the end, the friends who truly care about me will still be there, and without all of this other drama, I’ll be able to focus on school and still have fun. I’m ready to live the last year of my high-school/beginning of my adult life to the fullest. :)
Time to Move On...
Wow, I wrote this July 4, 2011. I swear I'm psychic. It's funny how I predicted all of this and th then shit happens 2days ago. I should have kept my word and ended this when i said I was going to.
I’m fed up with all of this. I tell you I like a guy, what do you do, you flirt with him. I tell you where I’m thinking about applying for a job, then you apply there. I tell you about a conversation that you promise to never bring up, what do you do, you bring it up and pretty much make it impossible for two people to ever have a normal conversation again, thus ending that friendship. I tell you about one of my favorite websites, you say it’s stupid. You make an account and all of a sudden, you love flaunting your popularity. Please you wouldn’t be that popular if I hadn’t told you about this site and both me and our other friend had convinced you to make one. You always bring up your friendship with my crush and talk about how he would probably ask you out before he asks me out. Then you go ahead and say how you don’t ever see it happening. Did I ask for your opinion…no! Then you tell me that my “used to be” best friend, until you messed everything up, is thinking about NOT coming to my birthday and you say it like it’s no big deal. Do you not get that we used to be as thick as thieves and now he never talks to me because you had to open your big mouth after you promised me TWICE that you wouldn’t say anything. I never should have said anything to you. I should have just dealt with it on my own and not said one word to you. Some friend you are. Steal my job, my bf, my bff. What next? My parents. And then you think that “occasionally” inviting me out with our friends is okay. If you didn’t invite me, don’t tell me what you guys did. I wouldn’t feel bad if you invited me and I couldn’t make it. But telling me about something, I had no clue about, then idrc what the fuck you guys did. Then you call me and invite to some get together that doesn’t include our old group of friends but people that you find much “cooler” and then add on “don’t worry, I didn’t invite your crush so you don’t have to freak out.” Why didn‘t you invite him? I mean you ask him out to everything else. Does it really matter if you invite him or not? Why is it so important for you to tell me that? Like seriously “What the fuck is your problem?” You can’t keep secrets anymore; you never wanna hang out with just me. I invited you to the beach with me and my mom. JUST YOU and what do you do? You invite your bf and your other bff because you thought the trip “would be better with a group.” Why can’t we just hang out like best friends? I mean we were already gonna see them later on that evening, but no, if you’re not with them the entire time, things get boring. Just recently, we were at the mall and you decide to invite your other friend to hang out with us. If I wanted her to come with us, I would have invited her myself. And the worst thing is you used my phone to do it since you can’t use yours. Calling her to tell her you found something is one thing, but telling her to come down and see it is a whole different thing. Why can’t we just hang out like we used to. One day, just us best friends. No bfs, no other friends, no crushes, no special occasions. Just a fun day with us, is that too much to ask? This summer was just supposed to be a better version of last year. Our last summer as highschoolers and you spend it with friends who first of all don’t go to our school, and second of all don’t even invite me to hang out with you guys. Just cause I have summer school doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. I’ve told you that before. If you tell me ahead of time, I can do my homework earlier and have a free day. But no, you don’t even try. You just tell me later how fun your day was. I guess it just goes to show how much we’ve drifted apart. And this didn’t start when the summer came around; we’ve been drifting since the beginning of second semester. It just took us this long to figure that out. Well it took me that long to figure it; you still choose to ignore it. I’ve been trying to tell you this would happen but you refused to believe it. You might have postponed this, but I wasn’t kidding when I said that maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore. We knew this day was coming, but hey, that’s life. Time’s change, people change, and friends split up. I’ve always been better on my own anyway. I do projects on my own; I used to eat alone after the 8th grade incident. I used to keep to myself A LOT! Then I met all of you and I started opening up. Worst mistake of my life. I work better on my own when everything stays personal and not everybody knows my life. Maybe that’s why I’m so scared to start dating. I might not act like it, but I’m honestly scared to start a relationship because I’m scared of letting someone in that much. No, I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m tired of you putting me down. God every time I talk to you nowadays I just wanna punch you in the face. You don’t let anybody have their own opinions or be right about anything! It has to be your way or your opinion and that’s it. I can’t say a guy is cute without you saying no he’s ugly, he has zits, he’s black, and he has acne so he must smoke. Earth to YOU but people get acne. Even black people. No one has perfect skin like you. And just so you know, I’ve had this discussion with him. They’re not acne; most of them are purposefully there. But you wouldn’t know that cause you don’t care what I have to say. I don’t have a say in anything anymore. You might ask me if it’s alright to invite more people but you would still do it even if I said no. You would argue until your point is made, which is technically just me giving up cause I don’t feel like arguing. I can’t get my hopes up without you saying “well I don’t think it’s gonna work. He’s not gonna ask you out.” How do you know? Has he told you, cause if not then shut up. I can hope can’t I? It’s called wishful thinking and optimism. You should try it sometime instead of being so fucking pessimistic half the time. And your political views, now I usually leave this to opinion because I really, really, don’t like arguing about politics. But I have news for you, our president will most likely get re-elected. Unbeknownst to you, most of our country is pleased with his accomplishments. It’s become very rare that a president doesn’t stay in office for two terms. Especially this president, considering he’s the change we’ve been needing for our generation. I don’t like arguing about this but I just thought I should put that in there. So yeah, I’m not fine thanks for asking. I’m fed up with you taking everything I have and putting me down. I hate to say it but you are truly turning into your sister. I liked it better when we got in arguments over food, clothes, and anime. Not relationships, friendships, politics, and everything else. You’re right I don’t have anything I could use as blackmail on you, but you know entirely too much about me and I don’t like it. I’m not saying anything else that doesn’t need to be said to you or anybody else for that matter. I’m utterly hurt that my old best friend and I will probably never be able to patch things up but we would have if I hadn’t told you anything and you hadn’t brought it up again. And I’m sorry that our other best friend was accused daily of replacing me, even if she didn’t know it. But what I’m most sorry for is how much you’ve changed. I never really changed, I’ve always been like this, I’m just more outspoken but I’m still the same old me. I just never show this side of me to people I just met. If you knew me back in middle school up till now, you would know that I’ve always been like this. To see this side of me means that I trust you. Or I guess trusted you. But you…this is a side that even you said you didn’t used to be. I liked it better when you were your alter ego. The fun one who fangirled over her old anime boys and didn’t fall out of the fandom. The old you that flirted but never settled and used to stay up on the phone all night discussing attack plans even if she knew she would get caught. Not the you that’s pessimistic about everything, complains about real relationship problems, and has too much drama. I know some of it’s not your fault, it’s your environment. But it all depends how you handle the situation, and I have to say, you’re not doing too well with it anymore. I’m sorry but I feel like this will be our last summer as best friends or maybe even friends in general. I don’t want to leave the group, and I mean our old group. But I don’t feel close to any of them anymore and I don’t feel close to you anymore. I guess I’m just not ready for long-term friendships or anything for that matter. Maybe in time we can fix all of this, but it’s gonna take a lot. I’m gonna miss you buddy but I can’t even cry over this anymore. I’ve shed all my tears, now all that’s left is anger and regret. Not regret for being your friend, but for telling you so much knowing this might not last. 3 1/2 years and it’s already over. I’m just sorry it had to end this way. I truly don’t want to talk. I just need time and space. Sorry. :/
I’m fed up with all of this. I tell you I like a guy, what do you do, you flirt with him. I tell you where I’m thinking about applying for a job, then you apply there. I tell you about a conversation that you promise to never bring up, what do you do, you bring it up and pretty much make it impossible for two people to ever have a normal conversation again, thus ending that friendship. I tell you about one of my favorite websites, you say it’s stupid. You make an account and all of a sudden, you love flaunting your popularity. Please you wouldn’t be that popular if I hadn’t told you about this site and both me and our other friend had convinced you to make one. You always bring up your friendship with my crush and talk about how he would probably ask you out before he asks me out. Then you go ahead and say how you don’t ever see it happening. Did I ask for your opinion…no! Then you tell me that my “used to be” best friend, until you messed everything up, is thinking about NOT coming to my birthday and you say it like it’s no big deal. Do you not get that we used to be as thick as thieves and now he never talks to me because you had to open your big mouth after you promised me TWICE that you wouldn’t say anything. I never should have said anything to you. I should have just dealt with it on my own and not said one word to you. Some friend you are. Steal my job, my bf, my bff. What next? My parents. And then you think that “occasionally” inviting me out with our friends is okay. If you didn’t invite me, don’t tell me what you guys did. I wouldn’t feel bad if you invited me and I couldn’t make it. But telling me about something, I had no clue about, then idrc what the fuck you guys did. Then you call me and invite to some get together that doesn’t include our old group of friends but people that you find much “cooler” and then add on “don’t worry, I didn’t invite your crush so you don’t have to freak out.” Why didn‘t you invite him? I mean you ask him out to everything else. Does it really matter if you invite him or not? Why is it so important for you to tell me that? Like seriously “What the fuck is your problem?” You can’t keep secrets anymore; you never wanna hang out with just me. I invited you to the beach with me and my mom. JUST YOU and what do you do? You invite your bf and your other bff because you thought the trip “would be better with a group.” Why can’t we just hang out like best friends? I mean we were already gonna see them later on that evening, but no, if you’re not with them the entire time, things get boring. Just recently, we were at the mall and you decide to invite your other friend to hang out with us. If I wanted her to come with us, I would have invited her myself. And the worst thing is you used my phone to do it since you can’t use yours. Calling her to tell her you found something is one thing, but telling her to come down and see it is a whole different thing. Why can’t we just hang out like we used to. One day, just us best friends. No bfs, no other friends, no crushes, no special occasions. Just a fun day with us, is that too much to ask? This summer was just supposed to be a better version of last year. Our last summer as highschoolers and you spend it with friends who first of all don’t go to our school, and second of all don’t even invite me to hang out with you guys. Just cause I have summer school doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. I’ve told you that before. If you tell me ahead of time, I can do my homework earlier and have a free day. But no, you don’t even try. You just tell me later how fun your day was. I guess it just goes to show how much we’ve drifted apart. And this didn’t start when the summer came around; we’ve been drifting since the beginning of second semester. It just took us this long to figure that out. Well it took me that long to figure it; you still choose to ignore it. I’ve been trying to tell you this would happen but you refused to believe it. You might have postponed this, but I wasn’t kidding when I said that maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore. We knew this day was coming, but hey, that’s life. Time’s change, people change, and friends split up. I’ve always been better on my own anyway. I do projects on my own; I used to eat alone after the 8th grade incident. I used to keep to myself A LOT! Then I met all of you and I started opening up. Worst mistake of my life. I work better on my own when everything stays personal and not everybody knows my life. Maybe that’s why I’m so scared to start dating. I might not act like it, but I’m honestly scared to start a relationship because I’m scared of letting someone in that much. No, I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m tired of you putting me down. God every time I talk to you nowadays I just wanna punch you in the face. You don’t let anybody have their own opinions or be right about anything! It has to be your way or your opinion and that’s it. I can’t say a guy is cute without you saying no he’s ugly, he has zits, he’s black, and he has acne so he must smoke. Earth to YOU but people get acne. Even black people. No one has perfect skin like you. And just so you know, I’ve had this discussion with him. They’re not acne; most of them are purposefully there. But you wouldn’t know that cause you don’t care what I have to say. I don’t have a say in anything anymore. You might ask me if it’s alright to invite more people but you would still do it even if I said no. You would argue until your point is made, which is technically just me giving up cause I don’t feel like arguing. I can’t get my hopes up without you saying “well I don’t think it’s gonna work. He’s not gonna ask you out.” How do you know? Has he told you, cause if not then shut up. I can hope can’t I? It’s called wishful thinking and optimism. You should try it sometime instead of being so fucking pessimistic half the time. And your political views, now I usually leave this to opinion because I really, really, don’t like arguing about politics. But I have news for you, our president will most likely get re-elected. Unbeknownst to you, most of our country is pleased with his accomplishments. It’s become very rare that a president doesn’t stay in office for two terms. Especially this president, considering he’s the change we’ve been needing for our generation. I don’t like arguing about this but I just thought I should put that in there. So yeah, I’m not fine thanks for asking. I’m fed up with you taking everything I have and putting me down. I hate to say it but you are truly turning into your sister. I liked it better when we got in arguments over food, clothes, and anime. Not relationships, friendships, politics, and everything else. You’re right I don’t have anything I could use as blackmail on you, but you know entirely too much about me and I don’t like it. I’m not saying anything else that doesn’t need to be said to you or anybody else for that matter. I’m utterly hurt that my old best friend and I will probably never be able to patch things up but we would have if I hadn’t told you anything and you hadn’t brought it up again. And I’m sorry that our other best friend was accused daily of replacing me, even if she didn’t know it. But what I’m most sorry for is how much you’ve changed. I never really changed, I’ve always been like this, I’m just more outspoken but I’m still the same old me. I just never show this side of me to people I just met. If you knew me back in middle school up till now, you would know that I’ve always been like this. To see this side of me means that I trust you. Or I guess trusted you. But you…this is a side that even you said you didn’t used to be. I liked it better when you were your alter ego. The fun one who fangirled over her old anime boys and didn’t fall out of the fandom. The old you that flirted but never settled and used to stay up on the phone all night discussing attack plans even if she knew she would get caught. Not the you that’s pessimistic about everything, complains about real relationship problems, and has too much drama. I know some of it’s not your fault, it’s your environment. But it all depends how you handle the situation, and I have to say, you’re not doing too well with it anymore. I’m sorry but I feel like this will be our last summer as best friends or maybe even friends in general. I don’t want to leave the group, and I mean our old group. But I don’t feel close to any of them anymore and I don’t feel close to you anymore. I guess I’m just not ready for long-term friendships or anything for that matter. Maybe in time we can fix all of this, but it’s gonna take a lot. I’m gonna miss you buddy but I can’t even cry over this anymore. I’ve shed all my tears, now all that’s left is anger and regret. Not regret for being your friend, but for telling you so much knowing this might not last. 3 1/2 years and it’s already over. I’m just sorry it had to end this way. I truly don’t want to talk. I just need time and space. Sorry. :/
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